Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
