i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
