I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
