I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
