The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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