she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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