bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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