im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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