It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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