i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
