Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
