Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
His hands were made for my vagina.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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