guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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