Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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