matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
