if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
