she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
