I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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