This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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