When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
