he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
