he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Operation Purity has been aborted
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
