no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
