I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Sex in the backyard? Check.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
