Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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