First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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