it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
