It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
