Little spoons don't ask big questions
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
