She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He? As in you personified your dick?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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