between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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