I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
