dude i'm inner monologue high
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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