Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
