idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
