Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
