You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
