i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
