Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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