the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
