why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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