he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
