I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
