That's when you crack a 10am beer
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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