If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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