he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It's blow job season.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
