i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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