the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
