I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
