totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
