Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
